The Perils of Interfacing with The Wonderful World of Tyre Retailing

Not having been blogging for a while, the urge returned with a vengeance today. I spent several hours of my life trying to purchase new tyres for my car. First, my "hail marys". I have been driving (knowingly) with at least one half-deflated tyre for quite some weeks, always intending to "get to it". Worse, I have known for a while that all of the obvious tyre outlets near where I live close at midday on a Saturday, when the weekend is pretty much the only time I can purchase them.

Instead of accordingly setting my focus and getting it done, I fall asleep at 6am (no excuses) and wake up at 11.30am. Doh!

And I can't even honestly whinge "Didn't John Cain open the shops on a Sunday almost 30 bloody years ago???" because I have personal experience in the retail tyre industry - an industry time truly forgot - working at Goodyear (a company the entire industrial revolution forgot) for 7 god-awful months.

I know to call tyre retailing a dinosaur is to insult those who believe the Bible that God only created the world 80,000 years ago. Customer service is not exactly front of mind in the industry. I mean, I knew it wasn't a priority when I warned one of the heads of marketing at Goodyear that our biggest customer was going to switch to our main rival because we couldn't get anything right, and he just laughed and said "Let him go. He'll be back in three months, they're worse than us!"

Great slogan: "We know we're crap, but wait til you see them!" Not far from my soccer team's old chant "We know we're crap but at least we know what we are!"

So I have no reason to be surprised. But I am. Enough to not only commit the experience to my blog, but actually do it! (The CBF file lost one potential member!)

I thought when I woke up belatedly: There must be one tyre place open in Melbourne - a city of 3 million people - on a Saturday afternoon. Had I thought about it, the fact that I had already given up on an outlet being open on a Sunday probably shows how much that 7 months at Goodyear influenced my psyche.

I mean: don't most people do most of their driving on a weekend, at least those who don't drive for a living??? That's why all of those tyre places have RETAIL outlets? Someone must have asked (even by mistake) "What is the minimum our customers want? How about: "What's the least we can do to get the buggers' cash off them?" ($1500 later, I can tell you they slug you when they get you! It's just they made it so hard for me to hand over the cash to them.)

So what happened? I figured googling "4WD Tyres + Melbourne + Saturday" was a start and, sure enough, up came website links for Goodyear and Beaurepairs (Hi guys! Remember me? I was the sane Credit guy you all queued up to speak to because you couldn't deal with the mad bitch.), and one for Jaxtyres and another for Tyrepower. There was Bridgestone, and K-Mart. There was even one called Buy4WDtyres.com.au\Melbourne.

It was one brief shining moment; two or three hours later, I could only wonder how the hell the entire internet age had bypassed anyone with a brain in the industry. I mean, I know the consumer market is the add-on to the commercial market. Who can take my X-Trail's bald tyres seriously when one mining tyre costs $180,000 and when you sell millions of tyres to car manufacturers every year?

But did anyone think to ask "Why do we have a website for consumers?"

My needs were simple: I am a guy after all. Mr Website, tell me a tyre shop which is open on Saturday afternoon? Preferably, somewhere close to where I am. And tell me approximately how much it will cost so I can quickly compare all of my options.

I don't pretend I will compare the actual tyres; I assume they are all black round, rubbery things, preferably without punctures. I don't care about crap like that (how many times did I have to tell the "tyre monkeys" at Goodyear (that's what the store staff are called behind their backs) not to waste their breath explaining to me WHY they put one of those thingys on one of Lindsay's trucks, just tell me what I could call it in polite society and how much it should have cost him (charging Lindsay his special price on every item was one of the things we always got wrong - we weren't clever enough to offer a set Lindsay discount, we had to have a special price for every single stock item which, strangely enough, meant the tyre monkeys often selected the wrong one. Must admit I was actually surprised to find there were different types of tyres let alone all those other bits related to them.

But I digress. The Goodyear site quickly let me know I could get a $100 Visa Debit card if I bought tyres before New Year. Good, I thought: Should make up for the 40% staff discount I didn't actually get to use. (Memo to self: 40% of $1500 is $600!!!!)

But was there an outlet open?  No, they all close at midday on Saturday and work 8 til 5 weekdays. How I chuckled to myself...Aaah, Goodyear, such a backward company....

Try Beaureppairs which most people wouldn't know is wholly owned by Goodyear, apparently for the purpose of competing against Goodyear for those Australians who hate Americans. (And also to take first Google position when you add the word "online" to "4WD Tyres + Melbourne + Saturday".) They have a different special offer but there is one big problem. There are no store hours anywhere on the site. So I ring the store number: No answer. Obviously, they close before midday. One piece of good news: A banner flashes up: "Now open Sundays at selected stores". Which? I'll let you know when it lets me click on it.

Ah well, at least I know I can get my tyres tomorrow: Wonder how the prices compare with Goodyear. Website has a button under the "Special 20% off" banner..."Order a quote" it says. "I will", I say...And CLICK brings up an email request to a store (I still have to nominate the store, so presumably they all have different prices, from which I will presumably receive 20% off). And I also have to type in the message, ie "how much are 4 tyres of xxxx type and brand, fitted and wheel aligned?". The fact that I just clicked on a button with the product I wanted a quote for doesn't seem to have suggested I want a quote for "that one". The only pre-populated text was "Please supply me a quote for"

They're lucky I didn't type in the email "a big, round black thingy with a name a bit like what I just clicked on". Suddenly, I am remembering how the back office staff used to call the store staff "dumb tyre monkeys".

Long story short (or shortened)....No operating hours at Jaxtyres. No answer on the store. None at Tyrepower. But Tyrepower has store numbers. No answer. Aaah, there's a call centre number; at least that will tell me the opening hours. No answer. I think it just re-routed me to the closest store which, of course, had no answering machine (because they were invented in the 1960s.) That is, of course, the reason you have a national number; to reassure customers that their call rings out at a location reasonably close to you. Damn right: there's no way I would buy a Chinese-made tyre from an American-owned company that would allow my call to not to be answered in India. I suspect Pauline Hansen rings that number just for fun.

Bridgestone. Remembering the words of the marketing executive at Goodyear (and the series of the Bachelor featuring the heir to the company), I am thinking how bad could this be....

Prices on website I can see - no.
Store hours - no.
But there is a store number.

Oooh, and a link called the "Bridgestone Tyre Selector". Oooh, fancy. Suddenly, I sense Goodyear are in deep trouble. The worst of the worst may actually have a feature helpful to your average customer.

Question 1: Make and Model....Ok, so far, so good. The Datsun / Nissan option did throw me a tad but I worked it out when I saw it went up only to 1984.
Question 2: "Do you drive mostly off road or on road?" Even I can understand why that's important.
Question 3: "What is more important to you: premium performance or cost-consciousness?" I am not a middle aged mother so had no problem selecting the "I'm cheap. Don't care if they brake like ice skates option and kill all of my children" option. Subtle.

By this time, I am seeing a full-on customer scorecard, replete with a complex decision tree directing to my many and varied options in the wonderful world of tyres. Finally, I'd understand all those special features the tyre monkeys chat about in the pub...

Question 4: "Do you want 4WD tyres or passenger tyres?" Now I am not certain here but I thought a 4WD should have 4WD tyres. I was going to click on "Passenger" just out of curiosity but had a sudden relapse into phobia of being laughed at by the tyre monkeys again, so I went vanilla.

And there was a list of their tyres. All of them. No filter. None of them saying "Pick this one because you answered Questions 2 and 3 the way you did."

Just a list of all of their tyres. I know it was because (a) I'm NOT a tyre monkey and (b) the first option was "the perfect tyre for a serious off roader". Given I had outed myself as a cheap arsed, driver of a toy 4WD who avoids gravel roads because neither my car, nor its driver, can handle them, I suspect that was not a option "specially selected" for me after all.

So much for modern marketing nuances.

But there WAS a store number. I rang the store in my suburb, almost out of spite. I drive past it every Saturday morning and the sign outside says "open until midday Saturday". But, a man - slightly harried sounding - answers. I apologise and ask nicely "I know it's late, and I think you're already closed...But what time do you close?" I figure he sounded helpful and most of the stores are franchises so he might be the owner...maybe he will let me pay him money (extra even) to get some overdue new tyres. After all, it could be dangerous for me to be driving around on bald, punctured tyres. I mean, isn't it enough that I have been risking my life for weeks?

But, alas, no. He is very nice about it but he should have closed nearly a half hour ago. "Do you know know if there is anywhere I can get tyres on a Saturday afternoon?" He wouldn't know, he says, but "try Mentone" (next suburb, "bigger store, longer hours", he says). I knew there was a tone in his voice and it only took me a few minutes to find out why...I rang that store: Answering machine says "Sorry we are closed, our operating hours are....until 1pm on Saturday." Shame it is just on 12.30. No wonder the other bugger was a bit resentful.

I am ready to give up. I am ready even to try Bob Jane, the mob who sold the last lot of 4 tyres. Even I know they should last longer than the almost 30,000km I achieved but I don't have the guarantee anymore and I didn't do the 'compulsory' wheel check 30 days later.

I may be a dumbarse about tyres but I'm not about the law and I know that voids most of my rights. At least, it makes them arguable. And I am too lazy to 'aggle on things like that.  I like conflict but only on things I give a shit about.

Of course, this is the first time I have mentioned Bob Jane. Can't remember if they were #1, #2 or #3 in the Australian tyre retailing market but they are important. Someone should tell Bob Jane that they don't come up in internet searches for "tyre + Melbourne".

Another interesting marketing strategy designed to make it easier for their customers to deal with them.

While I, as a person,  much prefer to sit around home rather than in a bare little shop, surrounded by screaming kids and drinking bad instant coffee; as a customer seeking to purchase tyres, however, I prefer to drive around on rubbery thingies. Anyway, that metal sound when the rubber runs completely through plays havoc in my hearing aids.

Ah well, at least I know there is a Beaurepapairs store in Bentleigh open at some point on Sunday. If I swing past there later on, I can find out exactly when they're open and, who knows, "Open Sunday" sometimes implies "Open after lunch on Saturday".

So, a quick check of this comparison site...Maybe, at last I can compare prices so I don't get screwed when I buy tyres (why do the advertised specials NEVER apply to my car???)

So...Buy4WDtyres.com.au...here I am. But it is another CLEVER marketing ploy (unfortunately, "clever" is spelt with a capital "K"and reversed "E's").

I am not suggesting it is a sponsored site but it starts out like a tourist advisory service...Melbourne is close to many good places for off road 4WDing (it said "driving", but I think "4WDing" makes me look more authoritative and helps me blend in better, kind of like those politicians who wear Drizabones and those Akubras when they visit country towns).

And, out of nowhere, click on the link "Where do I buy tyres?" and you have a wonderful, informative detailed guide...It is a choice between a hyperlink to the Beaureppairs website or the Tyrepower website (WTF has happened to Bob Jane? Did his ex wife strip him of the internet rights to his name as well as his manhood, or something???)

But, then, my internet dropped out. Still connected but no response. Did I mention I also worked for Telstra?

Not for the first time, I wonder how I lasted 7 months in that Goodyear job. Not for the first time, I realised the tyre monkeys in the stores are far from the dumb ones in the tyre retailing business in Australia...

And, finally, not for the first time, I got fleeced when I bought a new set of tyres. I even mentioned to the young bloke at Bob Jane (which was open after all) that I had got fewer than 30000 km from my last set of tyres but could not find the guarantee to take them back to complain.

"That's bad. You would have to be driving really bad to get 30 out of a set of tyres. Where did you buy them from?"

"Here."

"Which store?"

"Here."

"Oh..."

Later.."That will be $1507 please..."

But the Bank declined my request to draw on MY funds in my cheque account because my EFTPOS limit is $1000 per day; happily, there is no such limit on my ability to draw against my credit card.

Did I mention I once worked for ANZ too?

Geoff Clark at it again!

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/geoff-clark-loses-seat-on-framlingham-aboriginal-trust-board-in-coup/story-fn59niix-1226159672897

The appalling Geoff Clark, one of the plaintiffs in the Eatock v Bolt case- and the only one whose character I question - is at it again!

The law should have buried this man a long, long time ago.

So many assertions, so much toxic crap

So many assertions made without even the thought of supporting evidence, it is amazing such toxic crap could be published by a serious media outlet.

I am the first to agree there are many things this country should try to atone for in its historical treatment of our Koori population. But to blindy attach all past injustice (real and imagined) to one man's direct and limited query of certain individuals, then to taint it as a slur against an entire race is disgraceful, lazy, and (frankly) racist in itself. It highlights why so many Koori are rebelling against the self interested "professional race politicians" and instead focussing improving their people's lot rather than the politics of the grudge. (Call out to people like Noel Pearson and Bess Price who are focussing on decent outcomes rather than pursuing the politics of grudge and entitlement.) It also highlights why, whatever you might personally think of the individual, why all should question those who hide behind "offence" as "racial vilification" when other options like defamation are available.

Look into the background of someone like Geoff Clark (one of the plaintiffs) yourself and ask why would someone like him seek redress in "offence" from "racial vilification" rather than pursuing other options available to him. Ask yourself what would someone like him be seeking to protect? Then ask: Was Andrew Bolt's a legitimate question to ask?

Regardless of your politics, and regardless of your views on Andrew Bolt generally (and I declare I admire him), be careful how quickly you assume it is OK to close down discussion just because you may not agree with THIS individual on THIS topic.

Try to ask yourseklf honestly: 'would my view be different if I agreed with the person under attack?' And: 'Would my view be different if I knew the complainant had something to hide?'

If you can't honestly say "Yes" to both questions, then you must support Andrew Bolt on this issue. His right to free speech is YOUR right to free speech.

If he defames you, sue him for defamation. If he gets his facts wrong, correct him and humiliate him. If he fails to argue a reasonable case, debate him and reveal this to be the case.

If he asks a question, reasonably, answer it. If he asks a question impertinently or inappropriately, call him on THAT.

But the solution is NEVER to say "You MUST NOT make those comments". Professor Langton calls this an "imagined" right to "unrestricted free speech".

She wilfully ignores the point made most often: That the complainants did not claim Mr Bolt defamed them. Clearly, no one (or at least no one I am aware of) has claimed an "unrestricted" right to free speech. Amusingly, this point is made by Professor Langton herself as if to prove she has made a winning point against the other side. Buit it is an argument she puts up a straw man only to triumph in knocking it down.

So...assertion number 1: Untrue.


From here she meanders into a diatribe of the hsitory of the Koori people's mistraetment since white settlement. Some of it is disturbingly true. Soem of it may be. The point is not that it is not true; the point is it is raised in a manner which links Mr Bolt's views to it somehow.

Whcih of Mr Bolt's expressed views suggest his "way of thinking" include:

• only white people are "normal";
• only people of "the races he approves of" are entitled to the above "unrestricted free speech";
• that "undesirable others" arew members of a "race";
• link to a claimed code of "racial hygeine";
• link to a code of a"master race";
• opposed mixing of races.

Professor Langton's diatribe meanders on, listing all manner of appalling acts, all traced directly back to Mr Bolt's "way of thinking". But professor Langton knows this is dishonest and frankly distasteful.

Andrew Bolt was found guilty of contravening the Racial Discrimination Act. This basic misnomer does not get corected and must be opposed; how did he disciminate against his alleged victims? In truth, he didn't and, to be fair, they didn't claim he did. But the "shorthand" suggests he has been found guilty of racial discrimination.

The plaintiffs did accuse him of humiliating them and essentially depriving them of their right to assume their chosen racial identity as they see fit on their own terms.

The court found, on balance, he did this using unreasonable and inflammatory language and by getting some facts wrong (note the plural but only one is cited).

And Professor Langton launches from the appalling state of Aboriginal disadvantage (a real and prsent issue the nation struggles with) and somehow relates it back to what she calls his "way of thinking".

The court did not find this to be true. Frankly, one wonders how the laws of defamation allow such nonsense.

The court did not make any findings about his "way of thinking" as approevd by Professor Langton or not. And what the court also did not find was that Mr Bolt "deprived" the plaintiffs of their chosen identity.

The court found that they are entitled to choose their identity on their terms and that he, on balanced, humiliated them by questioning it in a "rude" and in an "infammatory" way.

Hopefully the court system in Australia will make its judgement on Bromberg J's findings and rationale. I do not agree - and would be greviously worried if the law is indeed as he interprets it - because I ask the question.

Why can't I ask the question?

Is it because it the imputation may be that there is an alterior motive to this choice? If it is, repute it and sue the man.

But that was not the claim made. So, they were not defamed.

No, their racial identity was in some way impugned by Mr Bolt's asking, not why did they decide that they were Aboriginal, but why did they decide they were not <insert other various origins>.

Was it because their public persona benefitted from being "aggressively" Aboriginal? Is that why Larissa Berhardt has so demeaned "local" Aborignals like Bess Price because Ms Price and her husband think that "local" issues like poverty are more important than the principles of political 'point scoring'.

This is why Bess Price offends Ms Bernhardt so. Because she holds up a mirror and she does not like what the reflection shows.

It does not support her world view.

The less said about Geoff Clark's character, the better. The public record raises many queries on his conduct. As a minimum he has exhibited the same arrogance and disdain for accountability recently exposed within the trade union movement.

It seems a power base may have been challenged and the power base chose to silence a critic. Not to argue him down, not to discredit hom, but to silence him.

And the Age's nonsensical diatribre does not chnage that basic fact.

So, no matter how much you hate Andrew Bolt and his views; no matter how little you respect hsi personally; ask yourself, if there was a BAD reason as to why these individulas deny the other aspects of their background, would it not be a good thing top be able to ask the question?

Just because it is not the case here, should not we be able to ask the question? Just in case?

AFL Grand Final - post mortem

Well, I actually rated about 0 from 10 in predictions.

At a stretch, I could say that I was right in an overall kind of way...I was saying that, while I thought Collingwood would prove the doubters wrong AND win very clearly...AND you'd know in the first quarter that Collingwood had showed up to play.

But I was thinking that, the longer Geelong stayed with them, the more the mental pressure would heap on Collingwood, the more nervous they'd become and the worse that burden would be...Then Geelong would win...

OK?

All right, I was wrong on every count.

But at least I stayed the good uncle; I stayed away on Saturday night and din't tease him over Collingwood's loss. He even admitted that he nearly cried when they lost..And I didn't even tease him.

And even consoled him with a new prediction of a Collingwood v Hawthorn 2012 Grand Final...

Another prediction to get wrong.

One Day In September

Postscript to AFL Grand Final...how could I forget to listen to this at least once? Ah well, better late than never...

AFL Grand Final Day

The season comes down to this. There is something marvellous about spring in Melbourne; one of the factors is that the weather can either be wintry and miserable or 30+ degrees.

Today, for that one day in...err October, it's bloody cold.

Colingwood, the best team of the year (clearly) and the largest club in Melbourne (if not Australia) are taking on Geelong, premiers from two seasons ago and the best team of the past five years. Too often the best clubs do not play off so this year, hopefully, it will be a cracker of a game.

It is with a heavy heart, though, that I must tip Collingwood to go back to back. oddly enough, until three weeks ago, they were overwhleming favourites and the question was only "Who could even challenge them?"

Then the Cats did just that. They beat Collingwood by 96 points, albeit in a dead rubber in the final home and away round, and the Woods have looked vulnerable since.

Now, Geelong are favourites.

I have a suspicion that, once the game starts, we'll see early that Collingwood have come to play. the excellence they have displayed all season will come to the fore and they will win comfortably. I suspect we will wonder why we ever doubted the outcome; excellence does have a way of winning through.

Sadly, if I am right, Collngwood will equal the record number of Premierships currently held by my beloved Essendon and Carlton.

But, as they and their supporters are generally an uncouth and unlikeable bunch, taking gloating and bad sportsmanship to new levels (what is with this booing of opposition captains in the Grand Final lame kiddie Parade for God's sake???)

Even my own flesh and blood, my nephew Will, usually a decent, honest and civilised young man succumbs to it. And, despite my unending love for the boy, part of me (OK, all of me)is just hoping for a Geelong victory so I can rub his cheeky little nose in it. And, as for his dreadful father (my brother in law), revenge for 1999 would be so sweet..Maybe In can even resurect the trick I played on Will for many years, convincing him my cat (Jessie) barracked for Geelong. His embarrassment was so acute when his best friend looked at him like he was Joffa at a black tie dinner with those metal pointy things on the table...Aahhh, generalisations at twenty paces...

Does the cruel, fiendish plot taking shape in my mind officially mean I have become a bad uncle?

But I digress...

Sadly, I suspect it will all come to nought. Collingwood by a long 7 goals to send off both their coach, Michael Malthouse and the Geelong era, into the ether...

Go Dons!

Love the bloke in this video

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4503197627730611742


Aside from the comical southern American accents and the IQs which drift roughly equivalent to a cigarette butt, the video (if you believe the publishers) was put on line in full view of the WWW.

On the positive side, it has been taken up (in theory at least) by an anti-drug website, ironically named "Simple Ways to Make Methamphetamine" on the basis that active meth users will search for said recipe (or videos) and somehow be converted by the stupidity of the blokes on the video.

I doubt it myself. They strike me as dumb beyond belief and the bloke's reaction funnier than a whole season of 2.5 Men.

But, then, if you find out it is there when you are fioending, maybe you will remember it when you decide you are ready to get clean.

Maybe I am convincing myself of the logic after all....

Quis ego sum, quid hic facio?

A summary of a thoughts and opinions of a 45 year old Australian with a diverse range of interests at a time of his life (oooh, third person already!) when decisions must be made and the consequences can be deep..or of little consequence. I am a sport-loving (passionate AFL - Essendon - and soccer Derby County - fan, history and political buff with a wide sweep of travel, musical, cultural and reading tastes. Many would describe me as "conservative" but I settle for "right wing" but prefer libertarian in the American sense of the term (albeit not correctly used in practice).
The 'NINDY' of the user name refers to a near-death (OK, death) experience from a pulmonary embolism 4 years ago ("No I'm Not Dead Yet"). It would be fair to say death is a life changing experience.

Learned Latin at law school many years ago and have had appreciated it ever since; seriously under-utilised in my view given its potential for poetry. I am currently searching for fulfillment in life, a greater level of intellectual and spitiual stimulation; love the contest of ideas but wishing for a tad more evidence based and reasoned debate.

While I am the supreme rationalist, I actively wish I had a more spiritual side and I hope this blog will serve (me) as a forum for setting out my ideas, priorities, even thoughts and feelings. I have a keen sense of the absurd and a love of language and ideas; I suspect this blog will include (inter alia) some very personal thoughts. Hence there will be some entries which are password protected but will be open to anyone who requests it on a case by case basis. Unless you work for the tax department.

There will be some darker, even dangerous confessions in here, known only to me and a few very close friends.

I enjoy writing, generally non-fiction and non-creative but have been known to express the more creative arts when the desire raises itself. Fair to say, work has taken precedence for many years (outside my nephew) and recently I have been trying new things. Some who know me well know I live a very, very compartmentalised life, full of discipline and good-citizen behaviours. Place a premium on loyalty and respect and take people as I see them. Have recently been getting a rather unsubtle tattoo replacing some old (bad) picture tattoos from 15 years ago and my tattooist, James, has I think been impressed that "someone like me" treats him with respect. Despite the multiple tattoos everywhere except one arm (including face and chin), and multiple piercings which seem meant to scream "I am an outsider", James craves respect and being treated as "normal". But, at heart, he is a good Greek boy who cares what his mum thinks and has a strong sense of honour. And the best part, James gets what I want at this point in my life. I have little artistic talent and no ability to design "body art" beyond "I like that". He has succeeded in getting into my head, checks his latest phase of the very non-specific tribal design, accepts the rare occasions when I say "not that bit"...And our converstaions, ranging from relationships to drugs to family to...you name it. Wonderful bloke and I will miss picking his mind when we are done. I like that. And introducing many of my "proper" friends to the "newly" tattooed me has been interesting (not universally welcomed, it is fair to day) but most have noticed I am far easy going...with myself. I have always been very open and easy going with others. Amusing considering I has four (bad) tattoos for 10 years only to have my family discover them when I was in a coma.

Of course, whilst some would say I am old fashioned, I would say honour and manners are timeless. And, having recently decided to drop some of my most basic disciplines (OK, enough skirting around it, I have recently tried illegal drugs for the first time), many have noticed the new, less uptight me.

Anyways, enough rambling. Mid life crisis, or no...Prospectu amet mi...